I’ve been in limbo for two years now, wondering how to move on and be at peace with my life. I keep coming back to the same conclusion: God got it wrong. The thought isn’t passing; it consumes me daily. This month marks two years since my momma passed, which I believe would not have happened if proper protocol had been followed. But I cannot go back in time, run different scenarios in my mind, or change history. I understand what happened–I read every report–but I know it could have been prevented during those critical first 24 hours. So, even though there’s so much to blame, it’s time to put this blame to bed and focus on what I can control.
Christmas has always been my family’s most favorite holiday. To honor her memory, I keep her Christmas stocking at my house. For those who don’t know, my mother lived with me during her last few years of life, due to several falls and broken bones. She was the life of the party. She used to wonder where I got it from, but it was her. My daughter is a mini version of us both, a sassy, independent, and goal-driven girl. Though she’s a tough cookie, this loss has hit her hard; she can’t see a way forward, but we’re working to help her through it.
During the holidays, let’s not forget the people who have loved ones who are not here, or the friends who may not have any family nearby. Let’s reach out to the ones hurting and bring them together. Counseling and talking about problems are not easy tasks, but sometimes just having people around who have been through the same experiences can be more helpful than a therapy session.
I guess my whole point is, even though you might be having the best Christmas, don’t pressure the ones who feel down to participate fully–they may be missing an important part of their holiday tradition. If they are there and present, that is all that matters. They are hurting but are trying their best to be okay.
Merry Christmas, and I hope you and your family have the best holiday season.
