Breakups hurt at any age, but teen heartbreak hits differently. For adolescents experiencing their first serious relationship loss, emotions can feel intense, all-consuming, and impossible to shake. There’s a reason for that.

Marti Burton, MA, ALC, NCC, EMDR-T, and therapist at Empower Counseling & Coaching shares the two main reasons why romantic breakups tend to hit teens so hard emotionally: brain development and the impact of first experiences.

Burton explains, “In the teenage years, the emotional part of our brain tends to be a little more active, and without a fully developed prefrontal cortex, teens have a difficult time thinking rationally about their experience. Teens also tend to not have much experience with romantic relationships and breakups, so they don’t have much context to base their experiences on.”

That intensity is exactly why teens need time—and support—to grieve before they can grow.

RESIST THE URGE TO FIX
Parents often encourage their teen to get back out there, hoping a quick reset will ease the pain. After all, that’s their child, and watching someone break their heart is incredibly hard. While the instinct is understandable, experts say rushing the healing process can do more harm than good.

Burton shares, “One pattern that I notice when working with parents supporting their teen through heartbreak is looking at the situation from their fully developed lens. Parents have a fully developed brain, so they typically have an easier time using their rational thinking to process emotions. Paired with the fact that parents tend to have more experiences with heartbreak and romantic relationships, it can be harder to see and understand exactly what their child is going through from their lens.”

So what can parents do? First, they should recognize that how they would respond to the situation isn’t always the same way their teen would respond. Second, they need to meet their teen where they are and ask more open-ended questions.

“One of the most helpful things a parent can do after learning about a breakup is to be curious about their teens’ experience. I often see well meaning parents trying to immediately fix the situation or want to make their kids happy. Instead of automatically going into fix mode, asking questions and being open to what their teens share with them can help teens process and understand their experience, while also fostering a safe environment to share uncomfortable things,” says Burton.

What’s in: How was today for you? What’s out: Do you feel sad today?

THE SOCIAL MEDIA FACTOR
A factor that can throw a wrench in the bounce-back process is social media. Healing from heartbreak is harder when the reminders are constant.

Burton explains, “Social media keeps us constantly connected to others. When we are consistently connected to our ex relationships, or other people associated with our exes, it can prolong our emotional experience, make teens feel like they aren’t good enough, increase feelings of loneliness, and/or distort reality. Social media tends to only show the good parts of life, and when teens compare their experience with others, they can feel like they are wrong for being heartbroken.”

Encouraging a break from social media, including muting or unfollowing certain accounts, can help teens heal.

WHEN EXTRA SUPPORT IS NEEDED
While sadness, anger, and stress are normal reactions to breakups, parents should pay attention to bigger shifts in their teen’s behavior.

“If you notice prolonged periods of sadness, social isolation, changes in grades, increased negative self-thoughts, or any other major changes in typical behavior, therapy could be a good next step,” explains Burton.

GROWING ALONG THE WAY
With the right support, heartbreak can become more than just something to endure. Teens who are supported through these difficult emotions can actually gain lifelong skills.

“Teens can learn skills and how to better support others (i.e. friends, family) during heartbreak or other similar emotional experiences. Teens can also learn how to identify uncomfortable emotions and implement coping strategies that can help in future situations. Also, experiencing difficult emotions can help teens realize that emotions are not scary, and that they don’t have to last forever,” says Burton.

Parents don’t have to fix the heartbreak or fast-forward the healing process. By listening, staying in tune with their teen, and offering support, they can help their broken-hearted teen grieve, and ultimately, grow stronger.