I still remember our family vacation to the Rocky Mountains when my kids were 7 and 10. My youngest was in a rock-collecting phase, so she was giddy about the geological wonders just waiting to be discovered.
Her excitement for rock hunting in the Rocky Mountains lasted until we checked into our motel. Suddenly, my seven-year-old only had eyes for the gift shop next door, which displayed stones in assorted shapes, colors, and sizes.
“I want to go to the gift shop!” she proclaimed, digging out $20 that grandma had given her to buy a souvenir. I’m embarrassed to report that we put our exploration of the Rocky Mountains on hold so my daughter could buy a rock. From a store.
As the years passed and I’ve enjoyed (ahem) numerous family vacations, I’ve come to realize that asking about the gift shop is just one of the surefire phrases you’ll hear from your kids on every family vacation. Here are five more things that all kids absolutely say on vacation, no matter how old they are or where your travels may take you.
ARE WE THERE YET?
This is a classic vacation line, asked regardless if your crew just left the house or the plane has barely reached cruising altitude.
Ninety-nine percent of the time, the answer to this question is a clear “No,” but thoughts and prayers to any parent who utters this reply.
And why do kids ask this question over and over?
Experts say we parents should pack our patience, snacks, and games to make time fly. Oh, and talk about all the fun things we’re going to do when we arrive at the destination. I tried that with my daughter when I told her about all the rocks we could find in the Rocky Mountains.
You know how that turned out.
IS THERE A POOL?
You could be visiting the Taj Mahal, the Grand Canyon, or some other fabulous, iconic vacation spot, and your kids will STILL only care about if there’s a pool at the hotel or campground. Bonus points if there’s an arcade as well as a pool.
I will say that it was an emotional day when my kids were old enough to swim without me—rather I could watch them from my chair on the pool deck while enjoying a beverage. That day was right up there with the day they were born and my wedding day.
IS THERE A SNACK BAR?
This query is pretty much interchangeable with “Is there a pool?” Kids will always want snacks. And they will always want you to spend money on snacks, rather than use their own money from their allowance.
Don’t even try to give them snacks from a cooler or snack bag that you packed, either. It is a scientific fact that they don’t want your granola bar from home; they only want the overpriced granola bar from the snack bar.
I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
Kids always say they have to go to the bathroom on every family vacation.
Even if they just went.
And even if you just asked everyone 36 times if they had to go to the bathroom before you left home or the last pit stop.
“I have to go to the bathroom” usually prompts this bonus phrase that all kids say on vacation: “But I didn’t have to go then!”
THEY’RE TOUCHING ME!
I don’t care how well your kids get along, they become super annoyed by each other once they’re sitting together on a family vacation. Yup, if either one of them touches the other, or merely breathes in their direction, you’ve got a major diplomatic crisis to solve or WWE brawl to referee.
When one of our kids would complain that their sibling was touching them on a car ride, my husband would instruct them to look out their opposing windows and ignore each other. Bless him.
Meanwhile, I’ve found a fail-safe solution to diffuse any sibling showdowns that erupt on family vacations: All you need to do is take them to the pool, gift shop, or snack bar.
