Scripture clearly tells us to “love our neighbor,” but what happens when the neighbor in question is a child who appears on your doorstep at all hours? We are always called to lead with love, but here are some ideas for setting clear and loving boundaries when it comes to neighborhood visits and playtime.
PRIORITY ONE
You are the keeper of your family—and that includes schedules, relationships, and influences. Since our lives are packed with noise and motion, it’s necessary for our spiritual, physical, and mental health to have family time, downtime, and quiet prayer time. We must be willing to fight for that and set boundaries that protect it. It’s absolutely okay to say to the kids ringing your doorbell, “I’m sorry, it’s not a good time. Let’s try again tomorrow.”
KNOW THE GOAL
Be clear about what you’re trying to accomplish. Family comes first, and that includes chores and responsibilities that might need to be finished before playtime. It’s good practice for our kids to understand they can’t play with the neighbors until their room is clean or homework is done. It’s okay to say, “I’m sorry, Johnny can’t come out to play until his chores are finished.” Be aware of the friendships you want to foster—and the ones you need to watch more carefully.
MAKE THE PLAN
Pick the times when friends are welcome to come over. Set a window and stick to it. Work around snack and meal times if you don’t want to feed the neighborhood. If guests pop over outside that window, you can kindly invite them to return during the time you’ve chosen. This helps avoid early-morning doorbell ringers or lingering visitors. A simple, “You’re welcome to come back at 3,” or “Alright, it’s 5—time for you to head home. Susie has family things to take care of,” works well.
SHARE THE PLAN
Your own kids need to understand the boundaries regarding time and activities. Kids meet expectations when they’re clear; don’t make them guess or make it up as you go. The next step is to share the plan with neighborhood kids who are “frequent fliers” at your house. When you communicate the rules, you give your kids permission to “blame it on you” if there are issues.
INCLUDE JESUS
Share your faith! Pray before meals and snacks—even with the neighborhood kids. If friends are over during family prayer time, invite them to join you in praying the Angelus at noon or the Divine Mercy Chaplet at 3, if that’s part of your routine. Be sure to include them in bedtime prayers if they’re there for a sleepover.
You set the limits. You manage the time. You choose the kids who help your children become better disciples. Sometimes God puts people in our lives to lead us to Him—but if a child continues to be a negative influence, even after you’ve included them in prayer and frank conversations about your expectations, it’s okay to lovingly invite them to take a break until they can act and speak in ways that are acceptable in your home.
