My husband loves to tease me with a line I allegedly said nearly two decades ago: “Let’s have kids—it’ll be fun!” For the record, I have zero recollection of ever saying that. I’m guessing I was temporarily sleep-deprived, caffeine-deprived, or just plain delusional.
Fast forward 18 years, and here we are—knee-deep in the world of teen emotions, middle school meltdowns, and things I truly never saw coming. Nobody tells you when you’re holding that fresh-smelling, burrito-wrapped baby that one day you’ll be Googling things like “how to help your kid with social anxiety” or “how to explain ADHD to a 10-year-old without crying.” Spoiler alert: You’re going to cry. Probably in the car. Probably while pretending you’re just enjoying your coffee quietly in the driveway.
What really hits you—somewhere around third grade—is that your child’s mental health isn’t just about school stress or screen time. It’s about the entire emotional ecosystem they live in… and yes, my fellow parents, we are the ecosystem.
Turns out, those little eyeballs and ears are always on. Always. They see how we react to spiders (sorry for the screaming), to stressful phone calls, to that 43rd request for a snack. They hear our muttering when we stub a toe, and yep, they know exactly how often we say “I’m fine” when we’re very obviously not fine.
And I’ll be honest—my kids inherited more than just my hair color and knack for sarcasm. They got a dash (okay, a dollop) of my anxiety. I wish I could go back and rewrite some of those early years—maybe pause before overreacting, maybe breathe more and yell less. Maybe actually listen to my husband once in a while when he suggests I “chill.” (We’re working on that.)
Now, as I enter the final stretch of parenting “children” before they legally become adults (cue nervous laughter), I’m trying harder than ever to show up differently. I’m managing my own anxiety with a little more grace and a lot more self-awareness—because if they’re going to learn how to handle big feelings, they’ve got to see it modeled.
Do we still have meltdowns? Absolutely. Do we have fewer of them than before? Praise be, yes. We’ve learned to break up homework into chunks. We take breaks when needed. And sometimes we just admit, “Hey, this is hard, and that’s okay.” It doesn’t always go smoothly, but there’s definitely less crying—and not just from me.
So, in honor of National Mental Health Awareness Month, here’s my little love letter to every young parent out there: your mental health matters too. Not just for your own sake, but because your kids are soaking up your energy like little emotional sponges.
If I could go back and whisper in my younger self’s ear, I’d say, “They don’t just watch what you do, they feel what you feel. And also, “Maybe don’t scream about that spider—it’s just a spider.”
But mostly, I’d remind myself (and you): It’s never too late to model calm, to apologize, to try again, and to live the motto I now say to my kids all the time:
“Just go with the flow.”
(And maybe have a backup plan for when the flow turns into a flood.)
