Out of all the fish in the sea, you caught a good one! And while you had a choice in who you married, you don’t have a choice in who their parents are. Navigating mothers-in-law tends to be tricky business. Knowing what type of Mother-in-Law you are dealing with can help you understand how to keep things pleasant. What type of in-law do you have, and which one will you be in the future?
KNOW-IT-ALL-IN-LAW
She is the mother of your favorite person on the planet! She is also the creator of that person’s favorite meal. She is even happy to share the recipe with you, but when she samples the dish you made from her recipe, she will let you know that something isn’t just right in your version. From the moment of an announced pregnancy, this gem will willfully share her abundance of expertise in baby names, sleep, feeding, changing diapers, sibling relationships, pediatrics, discipline, and then move onto marriage, cleaning, cooking, and… you get the point. At the heart of it, the know-it-all Mother-in-Law just wants someone to acknowledge how great of a mom she was, and still is. It was her identity, and with her birdies out of the nest, who is she now? Throw her a bone every once in a while and rave on how amazing her child turned out and what an excellent spouse she raised for you. It is okay to gently remind her that while you may never live up to her perfect example, it is your turn to give this whole marriage and parenthood thing a try.
“YES” GRANDMA
You have heard of a Yes Day, well how about the “Yes” Grandma? This Mother-in-Law simply cannot say no to her precious grandbabies’ angelic faces. Basically this Mother-in-Law breathes for her grandbabies to the point that when she walks through the door, she shoves people out of the way to get to her grands. Having a Yes Grandma means an abundance of toys, clothes, treats, trips, and more for your little ones, all thanks to Grandma. She may even spoil you from time to time with little treats—you did play a small role in creating her favorite people, after all. She may not have had the means or the time to spoil her own kids this much, so now this Grandma shows love by doing whatever she can to make her grandkids happy. Just remember, boundaries are okay! Tell this Grandma that “yes” she can buy your kids a drum set, but they must live at her house.
ONE-IN-A-MILLION MIL
She accepts you with open arms and genuinely cares about your well-being. This is the jackpot of all mothers-in-law, so go ahead and thank your lucky stars if this is your MIL. She may call you up to go shopping and take you to lunch just to gab, she offers to drive the kids to practice or watches the kids so you and your partner can go on a much-needed date night. She was a great mom, and that makes her an intuitive Mother-in-Law who knows just how to help. If she lets the kids stay up a little too late, you know you have to let it slide because she is so much better than those monster-in-laws you have heard so much about. Be sure to let her know how much she is appreciated and communicate how grateful you are for her.
TRUANT MOTHER-IN-LAW
Tardy. Absent. Mother-in-Law, who? Don’t dwell on this dud and remember: it’s her loss. She may be “too busy” or honestly, who even cares about her excuses. The little family you have created is amazing, so focus on who does show up for you and your crew. If you catch her posting your beautiful babies on social media flaunting how great of a grandmother she is, take a deep breath and exhale out the anger. You can’t change her. Learn from her mistakes and make sure you don’t follow in her footsteps in the future. Be the best in-law ever when you become one, even if it is just to spite her.
HEAVENLY MOTHER-IN-LAW
Take some time this month to remember the woman who raised your spouse. Share memories that make you laugh, smile, and yes, maybe even cry when thinking about her. Consider who she was and celebrate her accordingly. Was she outdoorsy? Take a hike. Did she love to bake? Get in the kitchen. Was travel more her thing? Maybe take a small trip in her honor. While she may be gone, don’t let this Mother-in-Law be forgotten this month and beyond.
While walking on eggshells should not be required to navigate a Mother-in-Law relationship, simply handling with care may keep things positive for everyone involved. Look to your partner for support and advice—they have known your MIL longer, after all. And remember that relationships are a two-way street, the burden of maintaining a good relationship shouldn’t fall all on your shoulders. Focus on what you can control, which is your outlook, your energy, and your own happiness. Best of luck!
