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Can You Pee on a Tree?


I never thought I would have to ask, but raising twin boys here in south Louisiana, and the fact that they are getting older, I think it’s time to find out if they...can pee on a tree.

You see, we do a line up when it’s time to leave the house. Before we leave, we have a bathroom run, another line up, and then we head to the car. I have learned, and now envy, the couple who doesn’t have kids. They don’t even realize it, but when they are ready to go, they simply stand up, grab their stuff, and go. I, and every other parent has learned, that you need a buffer time to leave the house. It’s about five minutes times the number of children you have, or if you are already late, you need to bank on seven to eight minutes per child. 

So, driving anywhere brings out the “I need to go to the bathroom.” It does not matter if we are going one mile or 100 miles, they have to go, and I am tired of the potty parade. This is where each of your children follow behind you holding themselves and walking funny as you walk around the store looking for the bathroom, then to only find it and have to sit outside and wait and do the potty dance. 

Enough is enough. I think it is okay to pee on a tree in a parking lot, right? I’m not sure, but it seems to be okay. After all, I have two points on this: 1. We are in south Louisiana, and they are boys, and peeing outside is what they do. 2. Dogs do it all the time in the parking lot. You know those little trees in between the parking spaces? I think this should be okay, right? I mean, it makes life so much easier and the kids are happier, and no one got hurt. They are little kids, so where I need some help from you guys is: At what age does it need to stop? There is a point where you’re just too old to pee on a tree in the parking lot, but in the woods, you’re good at any age, in my book.

Before you answer, keep in mind that you’re about to walk around trick or treating, and be like 10 blocks from home...then what? ■

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01 Oct 2018


By Brandon Foreman

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