Breastfeeding Journey. Is This It?
When Andie was born, I set a breastfeeding goal of one year. I was determined to make it to that and we overcame many obstacles and pushed through to be sure that this journey continued.
Supplements, pumping, cluster feeding, becoming a stay at home mom (to an extent this was related to breastfeeding), and being her sole person became my new norm, all while balancing every other duty imaginable and tending to my little boy. Although some of those things don’t sound fun, it has honestly been one of the most amazing experiences ever and one that I am so grateful for.
It worked for us. It wasn’t always easy, but then again, it was. It came naturally for her since birth and that made it even more beautiful. Just us in the early hours of the morning and the very late hours of the night while I take in the smell of her tiny head, the bonding, snuggles, cuddling, nurturing that comes along with nursing that tiny babe that grows to become more mobile each day.... they start as tiny babies who grunt and cry to let you know that they are hungry, then later they can crawl to you and reach for you to let you know that it’s time to eat. (Yes I’m definitely in my feelings right now, because...)
Andie is 9 months old now, and for the past several weeks, she has begun to self wean. She has been dropping nursing sessions each day and my supply has decreased tremendously, so I have been supplementing with formula to make up for the dip in my supply. I’m very convinced that this isn’t just a nursing strike and that she is truly trying to self wean. I have struggled with being depressed and having so many different emotions because of this and mainly feeling so sad because I don’t think we are going to be able to make it to our goal of 12 months.
The reality of it is, as long as she is happy, healthy, and fed, the goal is met, but as moms, we tend to let our emotions drive us crazy and none is worse than feeling like our babies don’t need us anymore (although I know that’s not true, it’s still tough). Sometimes we have to learn to let go and life doesn’t always follow the timeline that we would like it to. I guess it’s better that it would end on her terms and that it isn’t something that I’m going to have to take from her. Just say a prayer for me fellow mamas! These hormones are really a force to be reckoned with.